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Top 1Liners
Chuck Norris Facts (Originals ONLY please)
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1 Chuck Norris can speak braille.(Rating : 22 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 22 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #142

2 Chuck Norris has only one hand: The upper hand!(Rating : 19 Value : $250)
(Laughs : 20 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #26

3 Chuck Norris has cowboy boots that are made out of real cowboys(Rating : 16 Value : $170)
(Laughs : 16 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #474

4 Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.(Rating : 16 Value : $270)
(Laughs : 16 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1247

5 Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.(Rating : 16 Value : $220)
(Laughs : 17 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #303

6 Chuck Norris does not just 'walk'. Every step he takes is a scaled-down yet extremely powerful roundhouse kick.(Rating : 15 Value : $750)
(Laughs : 15 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #113

7 Chuck Norris had sex with my wife and video tapped it. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.(Rating : 14 Value : $230)
(Laughs : 15 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1248

8 Chuck Norris stopped the Energizer Bunny...permanently(Rating : 14 Value : $200)
(Laughs : 14 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #498

9 There is only element on Chuck Norris's periodic table. The element of surprise!(Rating : 12 Value : $680)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1982

10 Chuck Norris and Superman once had a fight. Chuck made it look like a horse-riding accident...(Rating : 12 Value : $580)
(Laughs : 15 Frowns : -3)
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1Liner #2

11 Chuck Norris once swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping tablets...and blinked.(Rating : 12 Value : $710)
(Laughs : 13 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1981

12 Chuck Norris and Schumaker had a race once, which Chuck won by 4 laps. Norris made 6 pit-stops to change his boots and have a couple of beers.(Rating : 11 Value : $620)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #100

13 Most reported Bigfoot sightings are just Chuck Norris with his shirt off. Loch Ness sightings, on the other hand, are Chuck with his pants off.(Rating : 11 Value : $420)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #163

14 'Chuck Norris' chest hair has chest hair.'(Rating : 11 Value : $190)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1246

15 Chuck norris uses his beard to grate gold(Rating : 11 Value : $650)
(Laughs : 13 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #55

16 Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.(Rating : 11 Value : $380)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #685

17 Chuck Norris can bowl a hat-trick in just one ball(Rating : 10 Value : $470)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #280

18 Chuck Norris has laready killed Bin Laden - he keeps the remains under his hat(Rating : 10 Value : $180)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #539

19 Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard... his steel jaw has rust.(Rating : 10 Value : $220)
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1Liner #654

20 Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.(Rating : 10 Value : $560)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #684

21 Chuck Norris has a rug in his lounge made entirely from his own chest hair(Rating : 10 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #357

22 Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the $!@% out of them.(Rating : 10 Value : $350)
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1Liner #683

23 Steven Segal wasn't born, he was a leg Chuck Norris had amputated before growing a new leg.(Rating : 10 Value : $230)
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1Liner #240

24 Unknown fact : Hitler was found with a bootmark to the face.(Rating : 10 Value : $430)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #190

25 Chuck once visited the virgin islands, they are now known simply as the islands'(Rating : 10 Value : $650)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #295

26 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.(Rating : 9 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4057

27 Chuck Norris once had a stare-off with a mirror. To this day the mirror can't believe it lost(Rating : 9 Value : $550)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1104

28 Chuck Norris does not give Christmas presents.If you live to see Christmas,that is your present from Chuck(Rating : 9 Value : $120)
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1Liner #554

29 Despite popular believe, it was actually Chuck Norris they dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.(Rating : 9 Value : $610)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1103

30 Chuck knows Victoria's secret!(Rating : 9 Value : $480)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #8127

31 The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, the only thing that fear has to fear is Chuck Noris!(Rating : 9 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #299

32 Chuck does not wear sunblock,the sun wears chuckblock(Rating : 9 Value : $130)
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1Liner #553

33 The boogey man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed(Rating : 9 Value : $150)
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1Liner #616

34 Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.(Rating : 9 Value : $160)
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1Liner #4058

35 Chuck once tried to shave Beard. A bloody battle ensued between Beard and Chuck. It only ended when they agreed Chuck would never shave Beard again if Beard would get Chuck all the ladies he desired(Rating : 9 Value : $190)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1105

36 Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies potential failure, Chuck Norris goes killing!(Rating : 8 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #475

37 Chuck has never won an academy award...... 'cause he's not acting!(Rating : 8 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3952

38 Chuck's kidney stones are diamonds.(Rating : 8 Value : $550)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #509

39 Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.(Rating : 8 Value : $320)
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1Liner #780

40 If Chuck Norris eats a Rubix Cube, he ***ts it out... solved.(Rating : 8 Value : $170)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1786

41 Chuck Norris has such a strong voice, the deaf can hear him(Rating : 8 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2689

42 Solar eclipse happens when Chuck blinks for too long(Rating : 8 Value : $410)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #69

43 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice(Rating : 8 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #304

44 The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.(Rating : 8 Value : $350)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #682

45 Chuck has been dead for ten years...the grimreeper is just to afraid to come get him...(Rating : 8 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3802

46 Theres no such thing as global warming, Chuck got cold so he turned up the sun!(Rating : 8 Value : $320)
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1Liner #4017

47 chuck norris is the only person in history to beat the wall in tennis(Rating : 8 Value : $150)
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1Liner #4162

48 Chuck Norris found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and destroyed them with a round-house kick before the Americans got there.(Rating : 8 Value : $260)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #551

49 jacob zuma was seen shaking hands with chuck norris after his trial,no wonder he got off!(Rating : 8 Value : $420)
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1Liner #1391

50 Chuck Norris' Rice Crispies snap, crackle and pops without milk!(Rating : 8 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1628

51 Chuck Norris can read minds - but people are too scared to think when he's around.(Rating : 7 Value : $680)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #8815

52 Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctanceto kill, therefore if you are still alive..it's only coz Chuck loves you.(Rating : 7 Value : $120)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #456

53 Chuck Norris can cut diamonds with his teeth(Rating : 7 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #579

54 When Chuck's teacher called him Charles, it was the last thing he ever said(Rating : 7 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1570

55 Chuck Norris can burp the Stairway To Heaven gutair solo.(Rating : 7 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1882

56 chuck doesn't do push-ups,he pushes the world down(Rating : 7 Value : $130)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2215

57 Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did(Rating : 7 Value : $340)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #34

58 Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Chuck Norris(Rating : 7 Value : $130)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #644

59 When Chuck was 2 ,he worked with the World Strongman competition , re-setting the weights and pushing the trucks back to the start lines...(Rating : 7 Value : $300)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3245

60 Chuck's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris(Rating : 7 Value : $590)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19582

61 There's no such thing as disabled parking places; If u park there Chuck Norris will make u disabled(Rating : 7 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #686

62 Mr T looked for a shorter name, but 'Chuck' was already taken...(Rating : 7 Value : $200)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1402

63 Theres no such thing as evolution, only the creatures Chuck Norris let live!!(Rating : 7 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2330

64 Chuck doesn't mow his lawn - he dares the grass to grow(Rating : 7 Value : $300)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3946

65 If you can see Chuck Norris,he can see you. If you can`t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.(Rating : 6 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4063

66 When Mr Norris farts, the hole in the ozone closes......but when he burps, it opens again.(Rating : 6 Value : $550)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #7249

67 You see that badge Chuck wears? Yup, that's his spleen.(Rating : 6 Value : $490)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19528

68 Captain Planet is Chuck Norris' personal gardener(Rating : 6 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #25

69 chuck norris doesn't dodge bullets... bullets dodge chuck norris(Rating : 6 Value : $100)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4357

70 After surviving the nuclear war, Chuck reluctantly changed his diet to cockroaches.(Rating : 6 Value : $430)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #7120

71 Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives(Rating : 6 Value : $450)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19324

72 When Chuck Norris stares at raw meat it becomes biltong(Rating : 6 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : -4)
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1Liner #21

73 Chuck Norris gets his power from the tears of the widows he makes(Rating : 6 Value : $250)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #84

74 Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.(Rating : 6 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #218

75 Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by simply winking at her.(Rating : 6 Value : $320)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #16

76 Chuck doesn't need a mirror, a mirror needs Chuck(Rating : 6 Value : $160)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1024

77 Chuck is such a Legend.Elvis wouldve shaken his hand!(Rating : 5 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4010

78 chuck norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun(Rating : 5 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4360

79 chuck norris is so hardcore he uses acid for eye drops(Rating : 5 Value : $130)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4735

80 There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.(Rating : 5 Value : $210)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #219

81 Chuck lost his virginity before his dad did(Rating : 5 Value : $180)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #3945

82 Chuck norris developed nuclear weapons he is just selling the technology to the highest bidders(Rating : 5 Value : $280)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #262

83 chuck had one son.... Steve Hofmeyer(Rating : 5 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3820

84 Chuck Norris's tears can cure aids too bad he never cries(Rating : 5 Value : $70)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4047

85 Chuck Norris used to train in the Sahara forest(Rating : 5 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4123

86 Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of himself!!(Rating : 5 Value : $180)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4692

87 Chuck Norris is not all that ....... aaaaargh(Rating : 5 Value : $420)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9310

88 Chuck Norris can divide by 0(Rating : 5 Value : $270)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #217

89 Chuck’s shirt is so white because he sweats Bleach(Rating : 5 Value : $310)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #5114

90 Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark - the dark is afraid of Chuck.(Rating : 5 Value : $460)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9309

91 If you want to send Chuck Norris a letter, just write “Chuck Norris” on the envelope and drop it in any mailbox. Don’t worry; he’ll get it.(Rating : 5 Value : $330)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #239

92 Chuck can make lightning strike twice in the exact same spot.(Rating : 5 Value : $210)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #460

93 In Estonia, Check Norris translates as 'Man of Hair'(Rating : 5 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #485

94 Chuck Norris has only one sherriff's badge....and it's not rusty!(Rating : 5 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #605

95 Go d offered Chuck the ability to fly but quickly declined for super strengnth roundhouse kick ability!!(Rating : 4 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4152

96 Tell me onething a roundhouse-kick cant fix(Rating : 4 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #42

97 Chuck wears the Crown Jewels(Rating : 4 Value : $-120)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #8277

98 When chuck farts you take the blame!(Rating : 4 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #5489

99 Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.(Rating : 4 Value : $190)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #681

100 Only Chuck can turn defence in to attack(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4056

101 If you want to learn on how to get moered and not bleed,ask my man chuck the non bleeder here!(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4062

102 If you want a list of Chuck Norris enemies, just check the extinct species list.(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4125

103 Mr Norris Makes de fence into kindling(Rating : 3 Value : $270)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9405

104 Chuck Norris finished 'through fire and flames' on guitar hero...on expert(Rating : 3 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #20382

105 What a nice round-house kick, looks like Chuck himeself...(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2163

106 Chuck can make a fruit salad out of vegetables(Rating : 3 Value : $170)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -3)
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1Liner #3947

107 Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.(Rating : 3 Value : $0)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4059

108 Chuck Norris is sueing the tv producers because 'law and order' are the names of his left and right foot(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4500

109 Chuck invented gravity(Rating : 3 Value : $430)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18998

110 Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with men 'cause he's gay, it's 'cause he's run out of women.(Rating : 3 Value : $30)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #1634

111 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : 3 Value : $70)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2771

112 chuck norris once tripped and broke a rib... superman's rib(Rating : 3 Value : $50)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4497

113 Bruce Lee made karate but Chuck Norris made Bruce Lee(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4579

114 Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas to bed.(Rating : 3 Value : $70)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #7321

115 When Chuck does a push up, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down(Rating : 3 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #13377

116 Chuck can speak braille(Rating : 3 Value : $180)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19580

117 Looking at Chuck makes the hottest guy in the world look like a nerd(Rating : 2 Value : $10)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #2690

118 I taught chuch norris the roundhouse kick, he just perfected it!(Rating : 2 Value : $60)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #3714

119 When the eyes of a ranger are upon you pray it's not Chuck!!!!(Rating : 2 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4730

120 Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Chuck Norris is watching.(Rating : 2 Value : $230)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #158

121 The tears of chuck is the cure for cancer (shame he never cries)(Rating : 2 Value : $210)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #32

122 People Sleep in Spiderman nighties. Spiderman sleeps with Chuck Norris nighties(Rating : 2 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1033

123 Is it a bird,is it a plane, no It's Chuck(Rating : 2 Value : $30)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #2775

124 Chuck can slam a REVOLVING door!!!!!(Rating : 1 Value : $-40)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -4)
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1Liner #4577

125 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : 1 Value : $10)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #2773

126 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : 1 Value : $30)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #2772

127 batman and robin have a fight. who wins? chuck norris!(Rating : 1 Value : $-20)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4356

128 Chuck Norris's smile can cure world hunger ... pity he never does.(Rating : 1 Value : $60)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #464

129 On the 7th day,The Lord rested......Chuck Norris took over!(Rating : 1 Value : $-20)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -3)
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1Liner #4065

130 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : 1 Value : $-10)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #2770

131 Chuck Norris once had sex with a man, not because he was gay, but because he had run out of women. When he let the man *** in his mouth, that was because he was gay.(Rating : 0 Value : $-300)
(Laughs : 1 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #9499

132 Chuck Norris faarts dust(Rating : 0 Value : $-50)
(Laughs : 1 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4541

133 Chuck Noris says, 'It's only domestic violence if you hit her at home.'(Rating : 0 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -6)
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1Liner #300

134 Chuck Norris uses staples instead of hair gel(Rating : 0 Value : $-300)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #2404

135 children wear superman pyjamas, superman wears chuck norris pyjamas(Rating : 0 Value : $-50)
(Laughs : 1 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #3770

136 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : -1 Value : $-10)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -3)
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1Liner #2774

137 Chuck Norris is an anagram of No Church, Sir, K!(Rating : -3 Value : $-90)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -5)
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1Liner #1569

138 *** created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, *** created Chuck!(Rating : -5 Value : $20)
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1Liner #301

139 Re WWCND - Get a sense of humour!(Rating : -13 Value : $-260)
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1Liner #1020

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