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Top 1Liners
Chuck Norris Facts (Originals ONLY please)
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1 Chuck Norris can speak braille.(Rating : 22 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 22 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #142

2 Chuck Norris has only one hand: The upper hand!(Rating : 19 Value : $250)
(Laughs : 20 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #26

3 Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.(Rating : 16 Value : $220)
(Laughs : 17 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #303

4 Chuck Norris has cowboy boots that are made out of real cowboys(Rating : 16 Value : $170)
(Laughs : 16 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #474

5 Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.(Rating : 16 Value : $270)
(Laughs : 16 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1247

6 Chuck Norris does not just 'walk'. Every step he takes is a scaled-down yet extremely powerful roundhouse kick.(Rating : 15 Value : $750)
(Laughs : 15 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #113

7 Chuck Norris stopped the Energizer Bunny...permanently(Rating : 14 Value : $200)
(Laughs : 14 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #498

8 Chuck Norris had sex with my wife and video tapped it. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.(Rating : 14 Value : $230)
(Laughs : 15 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1248

9 There is only element on Chuck Norris's periodic table. The element of surprise!(Rating : 12 Value : $680)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1982

10 Chuck Norris and Superman once had a fight. Chuck made it look like a horse-riding accident...(Rating : 12 Value : $580)
(Laughs : 15 Frowns : -3)
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1Liner #2

11 Chuck Norris once swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping tablets...and blinked.(Rating : 12 Value : $710)
(Laughs : 13 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1981

12 'Chuck Norris' chest hair has chest hair.'(Rating : 11 Value : $190)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1246

13 Chuck norris uses his beard to grate gold(Rating : 11 Value : $650)
(Laughs : 13 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #55

14 Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.(Rating : 11 Value : $380)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #685

15 Chuck Norris and Schumaker had a race once, which Chuck won by 4 laps. Norris made 6 pit-stops to change his boots and have a couple of beers.(Rating : 11 Value : $620)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #100

16 Most reported Bigfoot sightings are just Chuck Norris with his shirt off. Loch Ness sightings, on the other hand, are Chuck with his pants off.(Rating : 11 Value : $420)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #163

17 Steven Segal wasn't born, he was a leg Chuck Norris had amputated before growing a new leg.(Rating : 10 Value : $230)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #240

18 Unknown fact : Hitler was found with a bootmark to the face.(Rating : 10 Value : $430)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #190

19 Chuck once visited the virgin islands, they are now known simply as the islands'(Rating : 10 Value : $650)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #295

20 Chuck Norris can bowl a hat-trick in just one ball(Rating : 10 Value : $470)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #280

21 Chuck Norris has laready killed Bin Laden - he keeps the remains under his hat(Rating : 10 Value : $180)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #539

22 Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard... his steel jaw has rust.(Rating : 10 Value : $220)
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1Liner #654

23 Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.(Rating : 10 Value : $560)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #684

24 Chuck Norris has a rug in his lounge made entirely from his own chest hair(Rating : 10 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #357

25 Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the $!@% out of them.(Rating : 10 Value : $350)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #683

26 Chuck knows Victoria's secret!(Rating : 9 Value : $480)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #8127

27 The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, the only thing that fear has to fear is Chuck Noris!(Rating : 9 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #299

28 Chuck does not wear sunblock,the sun wears chuckblock(Rating : 9 Value : $130)
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1Liner #553

29 The boogey man checks his closet for Chuck Norris before he goes to bed(Rating : 9 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #616

30 Chuck once tried to shave Beard. A bloody battle ensued between Beard and Chuck. It only ended when they agreed Chuck would never shave Beard again if Beard would get Chuck all the ladies he desired(Rating : 9 Value : $190)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1105

31 Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.(Rating : 9 Value : $160)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4058

32 Chuck Norris once had a stare-off with a mirror. To this day the mirror can't believe it lost(Rating : 9 Value : $550)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1104

33 Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.(Rating : 9 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4057

34 Chuck Norris does not give Christmas presents.If you live to see Christmas,that is your present from Chuck(Rating : 9 Value : $120)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #554

35 Despite popular believe, it was actually Chuck Norris they dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.(Rating : 9 Value : $610)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1103

36 Solar eclipse happens when Chuck blinks for too long(Rating : 8 Value : $410)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #69

37 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice(Rating : 8 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #304

38 The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.(Rating : 8 Value : $350)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #682

39 Chuck has been dead for ten years...the grimreeper is just to afraid to come get him...(Rating : 8 Value : $110)
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1Liner #3802

40 chuck norris is the only person in history to beat the wall in tennis(Rating : 8 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4162

41 Chuck Norris found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and destroyed them with a round-house kick before the Americans got there.(Rating : 8 Value : $260)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #551

42 jacob zuma was seen shaking hands with chuck norris after his trial,no wonder he got off!(Rating : 8 Value : $420)
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1Liner #1391

43 Chuck Norris' Rice Crispies snap, crackle and pops without milk!(Rating : 8 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1628

44 Theres no such thing as global warming, Chuck got cold so he turned up the sun!(Rating : 8 Value : $320)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4017

45 Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies potential failure, Chuck Norris goes killing!(Rating : 8 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #475

46 Chuck's kidney stones are diamonds.(Rating : 8 Value : $550)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #509

47 Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.(Rating : 8 Value : $320)
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1Liner #780

48 If Chuck Norris eats a Rubix Cube, he ***ts it out... solved.(Rating : 8 Value : $170)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1786

49 Chuck Norris has such a strong voice, the deaf can hear him(Rating : 8 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2689

50 Chuck has never won an academy award...... 'cause he's not acting!(Rating : 8 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3952

51 Chuck's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris(Rating : 7 Value : $590)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19582

52 There's no such thing as disabled parking places; If u park there Chuck Norris will make u disabled(Rating : 7 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #686

53 Mr T looked for a shorter name, but 'Chuck' was already taken...(Rating : 7 Value : $200)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1402

54 Theres no such thing as evolution, only the creatures Chuck Norris let live!!(Rating : 7 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2330

55 Chuck doesn't mow his lawn - he dares the grass to grow(Rating : 7 Value : $300)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3946

56 Chuck Norris can read minds - but people are too scared to think when he's around.(Rating : 7 Value : $680)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #8815

57 Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctanceto kill, therefore if you are still alive..it's only coz Chuck loves you.(Rating : 7 Value : $120)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #456

58 Chuck Norris can cut diamonds with his teeth(Rating : 7 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #579

59 When Chuck's teacher called him Charles, it was the last thing he ever said(Rating : 7 Value : $140)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1570

60 Chuck Norris can burp the Stairway To Heaven gutair solo.(Rating : 7 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #1882

61 chuck doesn't do push-ups,he pushes the world down(Rating : 7 Value : $130)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2215

62 Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did(Rating : 7 Value : $340)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #34

63 Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Chuck Norris(Rating : 7 Value : $130)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #644

64 When Chuck was 2 ,he worked with the World Strongman competition , re-setting the weights and pushing the trucks back to the start lines...(Rating : 7 Value : $300)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3245

65 Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by simply winking at her.(Rating : 6 Value : $320)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #16

66 Chuck doesn't need a mirror, a mirror needs Chuck(Rating : 6 Value : $160)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1024

67 When Mr Norris farts, the hole in the ozone closes......but when he burps, it opens again.(Rating : 6 Value : $550)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #7249

68 You see that badge Chuck wears? Yup, that's his spleen.(Rating : 6 Value : $490)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19528

69 Captain Planet is Chuck Norris' personal gardener(Rating : 6 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #25

70 If you can see Chuck Norris,he can see you. If you can`t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.(Rating : 6 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4063

71 chuck norris doesn't dodge bullets... bullets dodge chuck norris(Rating : 6 Value : $100)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4357

72 After surviving the nuclear war, Chuck reluctantly changed his diet to cockroaches.(Rating : 6 Value : $430)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #7120

73 Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives(Rating : 6 Value : $450)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19324

74 When Chuck Norris stares at raw meat it becomes biltong(Rating : 6 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : -4)
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1Liner #21

75 Chuck Norris gets his power from the tears of the widows he makes(Rating : 6 Value : $250)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #84

76 Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.(Rating : 6 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #218

77 Chuck Norris used to train in the Sahara forest(Rating : 5 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4123

78 Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of himself!!(Rating : 5 Value : $180)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4692

79 Chuck Norris is not all that ....... aaaaargh(Rating : 5 Value : $420)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9310

80 Chuck Norris can divide by 0(Rating : 5 Value : $270)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #217

81 Chuck Norris's tears can cure aids too bad he never cries(Rating : 5 Value : $70)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4047

82 Chuck’s shirt is so white because he sweats Bleach(Rating : 5 Value : $310)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #5114

83 Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark - the dark is afraid of Chuck.(Rating : 5 Value : $460)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9309

84 If you want to send Chuck Norris a letter, just write “Chuck Norris” on the envelope and drop it in any mailbox. Don’t worry; he’ll get it.(Rating : 5 Value : $330)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #239

85 Chuck can make lightning strike twice in the exact same spot.(Rating : 5 Value : $210)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #460

86 In Estonia, Check Norris translates as 'Man of Hair'(Rating : 5 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #485

87 Chuck Norris has only one sherriff's badge....and it's not rusty!(Rating : 5 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #605

88 chuck norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun(Rating : 5 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4360

89 chuck norris is so hardcore he uses acid for eye drops(Rating : 5 Value : $130)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4735

90 There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.(Rating : 5 Value : $210)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #219

91 Chuck lost his virginity before his dad did(Rating : 5 Value : $180)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #3945

92 Chuck is such a Legend.Elvis wouldve shaken his hand!(Rating : 5 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4010

93 Chuck norris developed nuclear weapons he is just selling the technology to the highest bidders(Rating : 5 Value : $280)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #262

94 chuck had one son.... Steve Hofmeyer(Rating : 5 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #3820

95 When chuck farts you take the blame!(Rating : 4 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #5489

96 Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.(Rating : 4 Value : $190)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #681

97 Go d offered Chuck the ability to fly but quickly declined for super strengnth roundhouse kick ability!!(Rating : 4 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4152

98 Tell me onething a roundhouse-kick cant fix(Rating : 4 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #42

99 Chuck wears the Crown Jewels(Rating : 4 Value : $-120)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #8277

100 Chuck Norris is sueing the tv producers because 'law and order' are the names of his left and right foot(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4500

101 Chuck invented gravity(Rating : 3 Value : $430)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18998

102 Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with men 'cause he's gay, it's 'cause he's run out of women.(Rating : 3 Value : $30)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #1634

103 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : 3 Value : $70)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2771

104 Chuck can make a fruit salad out of vegetables(Rating : 3 Value : $170)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -3)
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1Liner #3947

105 Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.(Rating : 3 Value : $0)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4059

106 chuck norris once tripped and broke a rib... superman's rib(Rating : 3 Value : $50)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4497

107 Bruce Lee made karate but Chuck Norris made Bruce Lee(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4579

108 Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas to bed.(Rating : 3 Value : $70)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #7321

109 When Chuck does a push up, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down(Rating : 3 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #13377

110 Chuck can speak braille(Rating : 3 Value : $180)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19580

111 If you want a list of Chuck Norris enemies, just check the extinct species list.(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4125

112 Mr Norris Makes de fence into kindling(Rating : 3 Value : $270)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9405

113 Chuck Norris finished 'through fire and flames' on guitar hero...on expert(Rating : 3 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #20382

114 What a nice round-house kick, looks like Chuck himeself...(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #2163

115 Only Chuck can turn defence in to attack(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4056

116 If you want to learn on how to get moered and not bleed,ask my man chuck the non bleeder here!(Rating : 3 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4062

117 The tears of chuck is the cure for cancer (shame he never cries)(Rating : 2 Value : $210)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #32

118 People Sleep in Spiderman nighties. Spiderman sleeps with Chuck Norris nighties(Rating : 2 Value : $90)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #1033

119 Is it a bird,is it a plane, no It's Chuck(Rating : 2 Value : $30)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #2775

120 Looking at Chuck makes the hottest guy in the world look like a nerd(Rating : 2 Value : $10)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #2690

121 I taught chuch norris the roundhouse kick, he just perfected it!(Rating : 2 Value : $60)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #3714

122 When the eyes of a ranger are upon you pray it's not Chuck!!!!(Rating : 2 Value : $110)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #4730

123 Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Chuck Norris is watching.(Rating : 2 Value : $230)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #158

124 batman and robin have a fight. who wins? chuck norris!(Rating : 1 Value : $-20)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4356

125 Chuck Norris's smile can cure world hunger ... pity he never does.(Rating : 1 Value : $60)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #464

126 On the 7th day,The Lord rested......Chuck Norris took over!(Rating : 1 Value : $-20)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : -3)
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1Liner #4065

127 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : 1 Value : $-10)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #2770

128 Chuck can slam a REVOLVING door!!!!!(Rating : 1 Value : $-40)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -4)
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1Liner #4577

129 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : 1 Value : $10)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #2773

130 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : 1 Value : $30)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #2772

131 Chuck Norris uses staples instead of hair gel(Rating : 0 Value : $-300)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -2)
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1Liner #2404

132 children wear superman pyjamas, superman wears chuck norris pyjamas(Rating : 0 Value : $-50)
(Laughs : 1 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #3770

133 Chuck Norris once had sex with a man, not because he was gay, but because he had run out of women. When he let the man *** in his mouth, that was because he was gay.(Rating : 0 Value : $-300)
(Laughs : 1 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #9499

134 Chuck Norris faarts dust(Rating : 0 Value : $-50)
(Laughs : 1 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #4541

135 Chuck Noris says, 'It's only domestic violence if you hit her at home.'(Rating : 0 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : -6)
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1Liner #300

136 Lets see if a sting ray can pierce Chuck's heart!?!(Rating : -1 Value : $-10)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -3)
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1Liner #2774

137 Chuck Norris is an anagram of No Church, Sir, K!(Rating : -3 Value : $-90)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -5)
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1Liner #1569

138 *** created heaven and earth, he then created man. Man overpopulated the earth, so, *** created Chuck!(Rating : -5 Value : $20)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : -10)
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1Liner #301

139 Re WWCND - Get a sense of humour!(Rating : -13 Value : $-260)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -15)
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1Liner #1020

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