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1 Actually, it's even worse, it's Sky News.(Rating : 15 Value : $1280)
(Laughs : 15 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9941

2 ...its Tom Jones syndrome! 'Is it common'? Well, its not unusual.(Rating : 15 Value : $1190)
(Laughs : 15 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9816

3 ...I just Googled your symptoms and it seems you're suffering from finrot(Rating : 13 Value : $890)
(Laughs : 13 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10099

4 You won't be able to feel your legs, because we have amputated your arms(Rating : 13 Value : $1130)
(Laughs : 13 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #11070

5 ...Mr. Jackson. I've run out of playdough.(Rating : 12 Value : $680)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10431

6 ...your medical aid won't cover Jungle Fever(Rating : 12 Value : $720)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10098

7 I dropped my Billy Joel concert ticket into your bowel cavity - if you don't sh*t it out by show time, I'm going to have to do the old rectal retrieval trick!(Rating : 12 Value : $940)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10961

8 we found your wife(Rating : 12 Value : $640)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10276

9 Chuck is on his way to re break your jaw for surgery(Rating : 12 Value : $560)
(Laughs : 12 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10484

10 Dr Johnson was drunk again and missed the target. I'll have someone bag and frame it for your wife.(Rating : 11 Value : $560)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10023

11 ...we'll have to replace your arms with a spatula and badminton racquet(Rating : 11 Value : $550)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10430

12 ..you've got a growth... on your growth....(Rating : 11 Value : $520)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #9917

13 your undiscovered twin is eating his way out of your body(Rating : 11 Value : $440)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10586

14 You have 24 hours to live, oh and i forgot to call yesterday!(Rating : 11 Value : $780)
(Laughs : 11 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #11184

15 ...have you ever heard of Penalitis? Well it's a first for me too.(Rating : 10 Value : $420)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10429

16 ..the police have decided to investigate that whole, 'me sleeping with the corpses' thing again..(Rating : 10 Value : $820)
(Laughs : 10 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #11750

17 we're going to have to cut it off and feed it to you... nah man i'm just playing we'll put it in a jar and you can take it home(Rating : 9 Value : $630)
(Laughs : 9 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #12287

18 ...I'm not your real father, I'm your mother.(Rating : 8 Value : $520)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #10056

19 But then again, you didn't come here expecting good news did you, so that's alright.(Rating : 8 Value : $120)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #11159

20 your wife is crippled for life and you'll need to take care of her 24/7... when **** deficates etc etc.... don't look so down i'm just joking your wife died 30 minutes ago(Rating : 8 Value : $450)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #12288

21 the person that didnt make it past surgery wasnt your wife.....er sorry?(Rating : 7 Value : $170)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #11499

22 ...your wife is gonna live after all(Rating : 7 Value : $190)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #11498

23 for you that is.... hahahaha(Rating : 7 Value : $420)
(Laughs : 8 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #12286

24 We're going to have to amputate your legs, but the good news is the guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers...(Rating : 7 Value : $40)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18234

25 ,but hey,look at it this way..After the 2nd op I managed to find my lost scalpel(Rating : 6 Value : $160)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #12552

26 ...honey. I gave your ferrari to the gardner because I did not have money to pay him.(Rating : 6 Value : $310)
(Laughs : 7 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #10057

27 Your heart transplant was quite unnecessary, but we now need to do a liver job.(Rating : 6 Value : $80)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #12512

28 We replaced your heart with a potato... You have about 12 seconds to live...(Rating : 6 Value : $0)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18235

29 I've got good news, bad news and worse news. The bad news is that you've got 12 hours to live. the worse news is I lied, there is no good news...(Rating : 6 Value : $450)
(Laughs : 6 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18992

30 we got the surgeries mixed up and...well lets just say that you can't pee standing up anymore!(Rating : 5 Value : $390)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18904

31 good news, I got 80% for my doctrate. Bad news, youre surgery is part of the 20% I dont know(Rating : 5 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19174

32 despite everything we tried, your mother in law's gonna make it...(Rating : 5 Value : $340)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18812

33 You have a disease that is very treatable at this hospital, but your insurance just bailed out. you've got an hour to get out(Rating : 5 Value : $420)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18990

34 "you've got Ten to live." "Ten what? days, months, what?" "Nine... Eight..."(Rating : 5 Value : $360)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19122

35 we are out of orange soda(Rating : 5 Value : $330)
(Laughs : 5 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19289

36 The skin that we used to replace the skin on your chest skin, was accually your foreskin(Rating : 4 Value : $120)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #13378

37 you're gonna die...(Rating : 4 Value : $360)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18991

38 ...Havin man calves is incurable, ma'am(Rating : 4 Value : $200)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19977

39 your wife called!(Rating : 4 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18906

40 Ive lost my surgical knife(Rating : 4 Value : $240)
(Laughs : 4 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19111

41 they selling lobster beds in the bathroom(Rating : 3 Value : $150)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #19430

42 We coudn't tape the rugby match for you!(Rating : 3 Value : $210)
(Laughs : 3 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #18905

43 ...the rum is gone! Why is the rum always gone?(Rating : 2 Value : $30)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #20589

44 Ive got good news and bad news, the bad news is youve only got three weeks to live. the good news is your pregnant!...oh wait(Rating : 2 Value : $-60)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #20830

45 ... AG A NIE MAN!(Rating : 1 Value : $-90)
(Laughs : 2 Frowns : -1)
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1Liner #12285

46 ...actually, it's good news, your heart transplant was a big success, but it came from an elephant so you have to carry it in a backpack 24/7 and never ever kink the bare arteries and veins.(Rating : 1 Value : $-1700)
(Laughs : 1 Frowns : 0)
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1Liner #20704

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