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1 ...and thats when I decided I wanted to be a woman.(Rating : 19 Value : $1380)
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1Liner #9820

2 So it turns out, it was a ten foot tape worm the whole time.(Rating : 18 Value : $1380)
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1Liner #9835

3 I've learnt to live with crabs...(Rating : 17 Value : $1200)
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1Liner #10035

4 There's nothing quite as tragic as a family being pulled apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs!(Rating : 17 Value : $1290)
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1Liner #9826

5 I could have sworn the chick was already dead.(Rating : 16 Value : $1220)
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1Liner #9819

6 After i hacked up my 3rd wife, I started to question my sexuality...(Rating : 16 Value : $920)
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1Liner #10939

7 I forgot the beers(Rating : 15 Value : $1120)
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1Liner #10123

8 Hey Chuck, lose the beard!(Rating : 14 Value : $1240)
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1Liner #10110

9 Here's a little joke I thought up just now. What do you get when you cross a diseased donkey with your daughter?(Rating : 14 Value : $970)
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1Liner #10088

10 Say, did I mention I served 12 years for attemted rape?(Rating : 14 Value : $1020)
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1Liner #9803

11 The voices told me that you are the one!!(Rating : 13 Value : $750)
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1Liner #10683

12 So the doctor says the infection should clear up in a couple of days!(Rating : 13 Value : $890)
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1Liner #9818

13 Hahahaha good one, when the world is mine I'll make sure your death is quick and painless(Rating : 12 Value : $310)
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1Liner #12890

14 So John. Linda. Have you ever heard about 'swingers'?(Rating : 12 Value : $800)
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1Liner #10101

15 I'm sorry, but you're mixing me up with someone who might give a continental F#**!(Rating : 12 Value : $1030)
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1Liner #10563

16 My favourite rugby team is the All Blacks. What's yours?(Rating : 12 Value : $560)
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1Liner #11162

17 I frowned your 1liner.(Rating : 12 Value : $720)
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1Liner #13703

18 Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.(Rating : 11 Value : $710)
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1Liner #10049

19 Of course I love you, now go get me a beer.(Rating : 11 Value : $640)
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1Liner #10770

20 Does your breath always smell this bad?(Rating : 11 Value : $900)
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1Liner #9853

21 I would love to stay and continue this stimulating conversion with you...but I would much rather watch paint dry.(Rating : 11 Value : $900)
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1Liner #10756

22 Hi my name is Steve...Damn, it's the last time I let Cindy organise a blind date for me...(Rating : 11 Value : $710)
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1Liner #9961

23 I have nude pictures of your husband.(Rating : 11 Value : $910)
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1Liner #10060

24 Can I just interrupt....your voice makes me want to remove my ears with a spoon.(Rating : 11 Value : $560)
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1Liner #10428

25 Nobody move!...I dropped my glass eye.(Rating : 10 Value : $780)
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1Liner #10754

26 I was not talking to you, I was talking to the wall behind you.(Rating : 9 Value : $660)
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1Liner #10755

27 That was a really nice story about your wife. Speaking of whores...(Rating : 9 Value : $370)
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1Liner #11737

28 Why are you telling me this?(Rating : 8 Value : $490)
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1Liner #10302

29 I would really enjoy your lectures...if your voice did not give my ears pins and needles.(Rating : 8 Value : $280)
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1Liner #13702

30 So apart from the lobotomy everything seems OK(Rating : 8 Value : $580)
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1Liner #10301

31 Is the pope a Catholic? (Not recommended for visitors to the Vatican)(Rating : 8 Value : $80)
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1Liner #11432

32 I work for IBM ...(Rating : 8 Value : $120)
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1Liner #12331

33 I've always been a deodorant optional kind of guy!(Rating : 8 Value : $190)
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1Liner #13014

34 I have had every STD, STI except HIV(Rating : 8 Value : $510)
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1Liner #12243

35 Im a New Zealander(Rating : 8 Value : $170)
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1Liner #12883

36 ...I'd love to, but Extreme Makeover: home Edition is on!(Rating : 8 Value : $270)
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1Liner #13013

37 .... and .... a seal walked into a club.(Rating : 8 Value : $200)
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1Liner #12198

38 I'm sorry, its just that this ringtone reminds me of my ex-girlfriend!(Rating : 8 Value : $220)
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1Liner #13009

39 ...George Bush....(Rating : 7 Value : $0)
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1Liner #9925

40 Three guys walked into a pub ...(Rating : 7 Value : $0)
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1Liner #12143

41 I can hear you fine... im just NOT listening(Rating : 7 Value : $440)
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1Liner #12613

42 So I say who the hell cares if its contagious...(Rating : 7 Value : $-80)
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1Liner #18111

43 I voted for McCain.(Rating : 7 Value : $390)
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1Liner #20054

44 'You've got a bogie up your nose!'(Rating : 7 Value : $0)
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1Liner #12046

45 I'd love to stay and chat but your a total bitch(Rating : 7 Value : $160)
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1Liner #12884

46 I played the flute in band camp(Rating : 7 Value : $0)
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1Liner #17808

47 ...its ok you don't need to use a condom...i already have AIDS.(Rating : 7 Value : $-450)
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1Liner #18629

48 Your sister bleeds very easily(Rating : 7 Value : $360)
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1Liner #19590

49 what colour is your fridge?(Rating : 7 Value : $230)
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1Liner #19713

50 for a fat girl you don't sweat much(Rating : 7 Value : $510)
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1Liner #19731

51 To end an arguement witha woman: "Why do you have to look so beautiful when you are angry?!"(Rating : 7 Value : $160)
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1Liner #13766

52 So I said homicidal tendencies be damned... i'm not taking that stuff anymore!(Rating : 7 Value : $80)
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1Liner #18143

53 I like facebook better.(Rating : 7 Value : $390)
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1Liner #11724

54 i hope u dont mind.. i had anchovies on toast for lunch(Rating : 7 Value : $420)
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1Liner #12614

55 Ive got better thing to do, like attending the opening of my garage door.(Rating : 7 Value : $280)
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1Liner #16128

56 And he died exactly where you're sitting...(Rating : 7 Value : $40)
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1Liner #18112

57 once all the skin from my testicles fell off in one piece...(Rating : 7 Value : $190)
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1Liner #19543

58 "Ah, I see you've lost your first tooth" Reply: "No, my dad just beats me...'(Rating : 6 Value : $360)
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1Liner #19928

59 Your mother is quite hot(Rating : 6 Value : $-120)
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1Liner #11588

60 Soo... how do you feel about HIV becoming airbone?(Rating : 6 Value : $320)
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1Liner #18803

61 I think my foot just threw up(Rating : 6 Value : $270)
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1Liner #19117

62 And then I found out that Michael Jackson was my dad...(Rating : 6 Value : $390)
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1Liner #19135

63 To end an argument with a man: "I don't want to talk to you when I'm angry because, I love you to much!"(Rating : 6 Value : $40)
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1Liner #13767

64 Has anyone ever told you that you have the perfect face for radio?(Rating : 6 Value : $360)
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1Liner #18867

65 I polish my plates with my willy(Rating : 6 Value : $360)
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1Liner #19594

66 I think my left knee attacts birds(Rating : 6 Value : $0)
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1Liner #20395

67 Is your sister hot?(Rating : 6 Value : $120)
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1Liner #9994

68 I shaged a sheep(Rating : 6 Value : $-40)
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1Liner #10124

69 Chuck Norris is at the front door(Rating : 6 Value : $-200)
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1Liner #10485

70 The voices told me to(Rating : 6 Value : $-120)
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1Liner #17807

71 You know I can tell how often you have sex by the length of your eyebrows....(Rating : 6 Value : $420)
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1Liner #19139

72 I am my own grandfather(Rating : 6 Value : $330)
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1Liner #19589

73 ...that was when I discovered that I actually enjoyed being raped...(Rating : 6 Value : $330)
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1Liner #19136

74 I use small children to smuggle drugs(Rating : 5 Value : $300)
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1Liner #19766

75 thats when i decided maybe George Bush isnt that bad(Rating : 5 Value : $240)
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1Liner #19400

76 I have hair growing from under my toenails(Rating : 5 Value : $270)
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1Liner #19549

77 I used to have friends before I was given an axe as a present(Rating : 5 Value : $-240)
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1Liner #20396

78 I talk to my violin(Rating : 5 Value : $270)
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1Liner #19548

79 Conversation between a kissing couple:Thanks for the bubblegum! Reply: That was my phlegm.(Rating : 5 Value : $150)
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1Liner #20011

80 Is it normal to have green things growing on your toothbrush?(Rating : 5 Value : $240)
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1Liner #18806

81 I once got badly sunburnt, then peeled all the skin off, put it in a pile and ate it.(Rating : 5 Value : $290)
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1Liner #19544

82 I know what kind of soap you shower with(Rating : 5 Value : $240)
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1Liner #19593

83 wait a min i dont W,ank its just a wrist exersize!(Rating : 5 Value : $140)
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1Liner #19709

84 Hi, I just wiped my ass!(Rating : 5 Value : $310)
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1Liner #20088

85 So I said to him 'don't worry, no-one ever really uses their kidneys' and made the cut.(Rating : 5 Value : $240)
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1Liner #18805

86 Oh my f**k! You're one of them!!!!(Rating : 5 Value : $240)
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1Liner #19118

87 my mom and my dad are the same person(Rating : 5 Value : $260)
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1Liner #19622

88 this one time at band camp...(Rating : 4 Value : $230)
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1Liner #20366

89 I have a hairy butt(Rating : 4 Value : $210)
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1Liner #14528

90 Excuse me, do I have an incredibly large bogey on my lip or is it my face that you're staring at like that?(Rating : 4 Value : $310)
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1Liner #18952

91 I have Gonorrhea(Rating : 4 Value : $180)
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1Liner #19591

92 Once I took a dump, and there was a finger in it!(Rating : 4 Value : $220)
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1Liner #19620

93 I only got potty trained 2 years ago(Rating : 4 Value : $110)
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1Liner #19757

94 is chlamydia contagious?(Rating : 4 Value : $170)
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1Liner #19873

95 I was just released from the Mental Hospital today, which is funny because five years ago to this date I was released from prison.(Rating : 4 Value : $180)
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1Liner #20156

96 a kick in the vagina just doesnt hurt like it used to(Rating : 4 Value : $110)
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1Liner #19114

97 What? I thought Boys2Men was a delivery service...(Rating : 4 Value : $210)
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1Liner #19121

98 excuse me for a second while io change my false tooth(Rating : 4 Value : $90)
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1Liner #19287

99 Um...did a cockroach just fall out of your hair or am I seeing things?!!(Rating : 4 Value : $80)
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1Liner #19844

100 ...and then i bit off its head and the blood went everywhere!(Rating : 4 Value : $150)
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1Liner #19105

101 (works especially well at War conventions or memorials): "I think Churchill was a sissy"(Rating : 4 Value : $210)
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1Liner #19120

102 My brother can suck the moisture from armadillos(Rating : 4 Value : $-320)
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1Liner #20394

103 soo...whats the deal with milk, I mean come on its white!(Rating : 4 Value : $150)
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1Liner #19080

104 Michael Jackson is my role model(Rating : 4 Value : $180)
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1Liner #19588

105 I have all your toenail clippings in a box(Rating : 4 Value : $180)
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1Liner #19592

106 Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your not balloon(Rating : 4 Value : $110)
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1Liner #19727

107 I have an enema fetish(Rating : 3 Value : $30)
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1Liner #20435

108 please pop that pimple it is stearing me right in the face!(Rating : 3 Value : $110)
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1Liner #19715

109 I still believe in slavery(Rating : 3 Value : $-30)
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1Liner #20136

110 Jimmy stay down, i will tend to you later!(Rating : 3 Value : $60)
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1Liner #19838

111 Conversation between a kissing couple:Thanks for the bubblegum! Reply: That was my phlegm.(Rating : 3 Value : $60)
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1Liner #20010

112 I personally thought that "The Shining" was a really funny book(Rating : 2 Value : $-480)
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1Liner #20727

113 With the hair on my big right toe knuckle, my toe looks like Abraham Lincoln, You wanna see?(Rating : 2 Value : $-30)
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1Liner #20449

114 I dont belive in your g,od(Rating : 1 Value : $-60)
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1Liner #20070

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